I'm shutting off the comments. They give me such an eerie feeling that somebody is watching me. I just don't feel comfortable with it. edit ok so maybe later.
If you want to read all-- by all means go ahead, but this is a long post. You've been warned
God, these few days has been taking such a toll on me and my mental health. Okay, so begins one of my more serious posts. To all those people asking me if anything is wrong with me the last few days : Either I told you a reason, or I just said "does it seem like anything is wrong?" If I told you a reason, it's probably real. If I said, the latter, then you know I'm seriously pissed off at 1) you or 2) you and somebody else.
You know what? I'm sick of being mad at people and I'm sick of having people be pissed of at me. So Benton, if you read this, I'm not in anyway pissed off at you. Okay, so that's not why I'm pissed off these few days. It has nothing to do with the incident.
What else do I hate? O yeah, people you thought that were "friends" turn out to be such bitches. Note the quotation marks. And no, I'm not talking about me. Yes, I know I've been short of a full blown bitch these past three days. And don't say "pms" or else I fucking kick your ass from here to Antartica. That is the lamest excuse ever used by stupid girls. I hate it when people say that. Fucking degrading themselves just because it seems like a valid excuse to use.
I feel like I'm missing these past few days. I get so easily pissed and upset over the smallest things. Paranoia is not a good feeling. I keep feeling like I want to just give up and don't care anymore, but I can't because if I do, I'm just going to be letting myself and others down. I can't tell people what I find wrong because if I do, I'm just afraid about the outcome. I can rarely be honest with other people now, and it's so hard just to be honest with myself. My grades are slipping -- fast, and my relationships with people in general is shit. Sometimes, I just want to go home and fucking cry, but I know that crying isn't going to solve crap. I have to work double-load just to keep myself from hyperventilating in class or afterschool so I don't explode at somebody.
Outside I'm laughing and smiling, well a little still. If you compared me right now from the beginning of the school year, you'll just notice that I'm usually frowning more than I'm laughing. And people that know me well enough know that I'm a pretty happy person, a fucking preppie person. I'm turning more and more quiet. I don't know if that's a good thing [well according to my teachers, they would love it if the whole class turned quiet....] It's like I'm distanting myself from my friends, family, and everybody in my life.
I used to look forward to coming to school. School isn't a bad thing to me. Homework and classwork is not exactly enjoyable, but I know if I want to go somewhere in life I'm going to have to work at it. School was a haven from home and home a haven from school. School was where I saw my friends and had a great time. Now I just don't want to wake up on a school week. I desperately want to just disappear and shut out the world. I'm hardly awake in my classes anymore, I find myself sleeping and floating away in my core classes and I can hardly pay attention to the classes that are important anymore.
I wish I could find a way to express my feelings somewhere, but it's getting harder and harder to trust people. Sure, I know people that I would trust my life with, but I wouldn't trust my feelings with them. People are such fickle people, give them your emotions and they close the door. Give them your life and they just throw it away. Well it's not their feelings..
I'm soo sorry for droning on and on....I'm just so sick of people making uninformed decisions and having people judge others.
O yeah. On the last note : People. Listen. There are things that you keep to yourself. The opinions that can be not heard and stuck to your head, keep it there. If it's not important to the setting, keep it there until it is appropriate. I'm serious. I told atleast 2 people that in the course of this week. If you don't like something, well that's one more shit to add to your list, but if it involves somebody, keep it to yourself. 1) Nobody gives a fucking shitting shit about your opinions. 2) it's not relevant to the timing of the situation. 3) would you like somebody to talk about you? 4) I have never critized anybody in front of their faces. I try hard not to behind their backs. Unless they are in serious annoyance to the world's population and deserves to have a rod stuck up his behind, I leave the subject alone 5) did I mention nobody gives a rat's ass about it?
on the last last note : So what if I rather vote for Bush than for Kerry? I don't trust either one of them. Both are arrogant, white men who cares more for power than what is good for Americans. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't trust Kerry. Why? Because he cannot make a decision and when he does, it is all for the votes. Why else? Because he's taking all this money and funding every single living shit on this earth. Where the hell do you think the money is coming from? A underground badger? No it's going to come out to be more taxes, lower incomes, job cuts, higher sale tax on things we buy, and taking it out of things like education and putting it into research for shit we already have. With Bush, it's the same crap as Kerry. I just don't trust a man who fights in Vietnam, does the same shit as his fellow soldiers and then bashes them over the head for the things he also participates in. It's called shifting the blame. If we are to have a man in the office that is going to make unwise choices, guzzle up our economy, lower our wages and lower the standard of our environment and education, I rather have the man in the office right now, than have a man that I don't trust in it. We've all been hit with the backlash of the economy, in more ways than one. Some of our parents got cut from their jobs, others got their wages striffled with, others just lost the ability to feed their families. So if Kerry is going to come in, he's going to fix it all up? No way that's going to happen. That's is not 1) economically possible, 2) sensiblly possible and 3) what will happen? the rich will get richer and the poor poorer. Bush = Kerry and Kerry = Bush. The economy will not be better, it'll just stay the same, and this is a long time recession. It's not going to be gone overnight just because Kerry wins.
Even the stock market agrees with me. When news got out that Kerry won, the stock market PLUDGED. But when Bush was offically named President Re-elect, the stock market RISED back up. See?
one example of Kerry's decisions : He doesn't support gay marriages. Well, okay, you don't have to. Nobody forces you to support it. But guess what he said in the beginning of the campaign? Nothing that's what. And guess what he did when they voted on gay marriages? Nothing that's what. He didn't vote. Well, election day rolls around and he has a month or so. Then what does he do? He decides to tell the world that he doesn't support it. Why didn't he do it earlier? Because he wanted to gain votes and not lose them. It's not about how you get the votes or lose it, it's about intergrity and moral choices. If you believe in something, you have to stand by it.
So please, if you don't agree with my decision, well, um. screw you.. Why should I give a rat's ass about you people that never followed the election but only vote for Kerry/Bush because your parents are or because you only hear "Bush sucks. Kerry's cool" from your teachers? Learn to think for yourselves, fucking retards. And yes, I just called you retards. And that's the last time I'm ever going to say that word in my life. If you don't have a good reason why you support somebody, you're not worth debating with. So fucking sick of people who reacts with a bad look when I say I rather support Bush. FUCK YOU. God I hate California. It's Liberal run.
edit: Due to confusing, I will explain. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a Democrat. I'm not even an American Independant [the fucking jerk! Michael what's his face. tried to get the 10 commandments back into court] , I'm not a Green party person, I'm not an Independant [yes there's a difference], I'm not an anything. I'm an equal opportunity person who looks on both sides of the issue first before making an evaluation. Growing up in a politically aware family it's hard not to.
and that's the end of my biography of my life. Wonder if Srgnt. Major will accept this if i turned it in....^___^
If you want to read all-- by all means go ahead, but this is a long post. You've been warned
God, these few days has been taking such a toll on me and my mental health. Okay, so begins one of my more serious posts. To all those people asking me if anything is wrong with me the last few days : Either I told you a reason, or I just said "does it seem like anything is wrong?" If I told you a reason, it's probably real. If I said, the latter, then you know I'm seriously pissed off at 1) you or 2) you and somebody else.
You know what? I'm sick of being mad at people and I'm sick of having people be pissed of at me. So Benton, if you read this, I'm not in anyway pissed off at you. Okay, so that's not why I'm pissed off these few days. It has nothing to do with the incident.
What else do I hate? O yeah, people you thought that were "friends" turn out to be such bitches. Note the quotation marks. And no, I'm not talking about me. Yes, I know I've been short of a full blown bitch these past three days. And don't say "pms" or else I fucking kick your ass from here to Antartica. That is the lamest excuse ever used by stupid girls. I hate it when people say that. Fucking degrading themselves just because it seems like a valid excuse to use.
I feel like I'm missing these past few days. I get so easily pissed and upset over the smallest things. Paranoia is not a good feeling. I keep feeling like I want to just give up and don't care anymore, but I can't because if I do, I'm just going to be letting myself and others down. I can't tell people what I find wrong because if I do, I'm just afraid about the outcome. I can rarely be honest with other people now, and it's so hard just to be honest with myself. My grades are slipping -- fast, and my relationships with people in general is shit. Sometimes, I just want to go home and fucking cry, but I know that crying isn't going to solve crap. I have to work double-load just to keep myself from hyperventilating in class or afterschool so I don't explode at somebody.
Outside I'm laughing and smiling, well a little still. If you compared me right now from the beginning of the school year, you'll just notice that I'm usually frowning more than I'm laughing. And people that know me well enough know that I'm a pretty happy person, a fucking preppie person. I'm turning more and more quiet. I don't know if that's a good thing [well according to my teachers, they would love it if the whole class turned quiet....] It's like I'm distanting myself from my friends, family, and everybody in my life.
I used to look forward to coming to school. School isn't a bad thing to me. Homework and classwork is not exactly enjoyable, but I know if I want to go somewhere in life I'm going to have to work at it. School was a haven from home and home a haven from school. School was where I saw my friends and had a great time. Now I just don't want to wake up on a school week. I desperately want to just disappear and shut out the world. I'm hardly awake in my classes anymore, I find myself sleeping and floating away in my core classes and I can hardly pay attention to the classes that are important anymore.
I wish I could find a way to express my feelings somewhere, but it's getting harder and harder to trust people. Sure, I know people that I would trust my life with, but I wouldn't trust my feelings with them. People are such fickle people, give them your emotions and they close the door. Give them your life and they just throw it away. Well it's not their feelings..
I'm soo sorry for droning on and on....I'm just so sick of people making uninformed decisions and having people judge others.
O yeah. On the last note : People. Listen. There are things that you keep to yourself. The opinions that can be not heard and stuck to your head, keep it there. If it's not important to the setting, keep it there until it is appropriate. I'm serious. I told atleast 2 people that in the course of this week. If you don't like something, well that's one more shit to add to your list, but if it involves somebody, keep it to yourself. 1) Nobody gives a fucking shitting shit about your opinions. 2) it's not relevant to the timing of the situation. 3) would you like somebody to talk about you? 4) I have never critized anybody in front of their faces. I try hard not to behind their backs. Unless they are in serious annoyance to the world's population and deserves to have a rod stuck up his behind, I leave the subject alone 5) did I mention nobody gives a rat's ass about it?
on the last last note : So what if I rather vote for Bush than for Kerry? I don't trust either one of them. Both are arrogant, white men who cares more for power than what is good for Americans. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't trust Kerry. Why? Because he cannot make a decision and when he does, it is all for the votes. Why else? Because he's taking all this money and funding every single living shit on this earth. Where the hell do you think the money is coming from? A underground badger? No it's going to come out to be more taxes, lower incomes, job cuts, higher sale tax on things we buy, and taking it out of things like education and putting it into research for shit we already have. With Bush, it's the same crap as Kerry. I just don't trust a man who fights in Vietnam, does the same shit as his fellow soldiers and then bashes them over the head for the things he also participates in. It's called shifting the blame. If we are to have a man in the office that is going to make unwise choices, guzzle up our economy, lower our wages and lower the standard of our environment and education, I rather have the man in the office right now, than have a man that I don't trust in it. We've all been hit with the backlash of the economy, in more ways than one. Some of our parents got cut from their jobs, others got their wages striffled with, others just lost the ability to feed their families. So if Kerry is going to come in, he's going to fix it all up? No way that's going to happen. That's is not 1) economically possible, 2) sensiblly possible and 3) what will happen? the rich will get richer and the poor poorer. Bush = Kerry and Kerry = Bush. The economy will not be better, it'll just stay the same, and this is a long time recession. It's not going to be gone overnight just because Kerry wins.
Even the stock market agrees with me. When news got out that Kerry won, the stock market PLUDGED. But when Bush was offically named President Re-elect, the stock market RISED back up. See?
one example of Kerry's decisions : He doesn't support gay marriages. Well, okay, you don't have to. Nobody forces you to support it. But guess what he said in the beginning of the campaign? Nothing that's what. And guess what he did when they voted on gay marriages? Nothing that's what. He didn't vote. Well, election day rolls around and he has a month or so. Then what does he do? He decides to tell the world that he doesn't support it. Why didn't he do it earlier? Because he wanted to gain votes and not lose them. It's not about how you get the votes or lose it, it's about intergrity and moral choices. If you believe in something, you have to stand by it.
So please, if you don't agree with my decision, well, um. screw you.. Why should I give a rat's ass about you people that never followed the election but only vote for Kerry/Bush because your parents are or because you only hear "Bush sucks. Kerry's cool" from your teachers? Learn to think for yourselves, fucking retards. And yes, I just called you retards. And that's the last time I'm ever going to say that word in my life. If you don't have a good reason why you support somebody, you're not worth debating with. So fucking sick of people who reacts with a bad look when I say I rather support Bush. FUCK YOU. God I hate California. It's Liberal run.
edit: Due to confusing, I will explain. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a Democrat. I'm not even an American Independant [the fucking jerk! Michael what's his face. tried to get the 10 commandments back into court] , I'm not a Green party person, I'm not an Independant [yes there's a difference], I'm not an anything. I'm an equal opportunity person who looks on both sides of the issue first before making an evaluation. Growing up in a politically aware family it's hard not to.
and that's the end of my biography of my life. Wonder if Srgnt. Major will accept this if i turned it in....^___^
posted by tiffaney at
7:00:00 PM
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